Lisa Simpson Bio Page

Age: 8

Middle name: Marie.

Role in family: Moral center and middle child.

Once called herself: “The saddest kid in grade number two”

Plays: Saxophone (and, occasionally, the guitar”

First word as a baby: Bart.

Obsession: Ponies.

First crush: Substitute teacher, Mr. Bergstrom.

Second Crush: Nelson Muntz.

Perpetual Crush: Several actors named Corey.

Favourite cartoon: The Happy Little Elves.

Past addictions: The Corey Hotline, Trucker’s Choice Stay-Awake tablets.

Extracurricular: Mentored by late jazzman Bleeding Gums Murphy. Busted her father for an illegal cable hook-up. Won regional Reading Digest contest, but lost the national competition in Washington D.C. after losing faith in government. Served brief term as Little Miss Springfield until she became disillusioned by pageant sponsorship by Laramie Cigarettes. Desired by Ralph Wiggum. Disgusted by the talking Malibu Stacey doll’s lack of integrity, coinvented poor-selling Lisa Lionheart doll. All-star goalie in pee-wee hockey. Discovered Jebediah Springfield was a pirate. Assisted Mr. Burns in recovering his lost fortune. Passed the second grade as the first female cadet at Rommelwood Military Academy. Refused to participate in “The Simpson Family Smile-Time Variety Hour”.

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